The penny dropped!

So the penny dropped last night, after walking religiously everyday more than 12 miles, I suddenly realised what my challenge entails. Four marathons in four days. I don't think my feet will ever forgive me. I need to quickly fast forward and speak to ‘6 glasses of wine Simon’ who can do anything, where is that crazy bastard, he’d know what to say! Anyway, game on bitches, I’m already fed up of moaning about my walking boots, the rain, damp cold, gusting wind, sudden dusk, my music downloads, rustley walking trousers, annoying blisters, endless hangovers and never having enough hours in the day! Please sponsor us, if nothing else, it’s for a great cause, if you already sponsor a charity please share our page/link to friends, who might be interested in our challenge/misery.
I’ll keep blogging here at ‘ePISTemic traveller’ where you’ll find regular updates, awful unflattering pictures of the bedraggled and loads of amazing scenery! 

http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-web/fundraiser/showFundraiserProfilePage.action?userUrl=Philwareing1&isTeam=true

Hadrian's wall coast to coast starts here!

"I need your help" are words you probably will never hear me say (I think I've asked one person...in this lifetime), but offer help, is what I'm known for....plus drinking, staying out late, stage diving, singing, running man dancing and a few other debauched behaviours. I'm doing a charity walk to raise money for Macmillan nurses, with a gang of amazing people, coast to coast Hadrian's Wall.
The odds are against us, as it's May in England, so will probably snow, sleet, hail and blow the bejesus of out of us with gale force winds.....although even more of a concern.....its up north.....as in north of Watford! The organiser speaks northern, so at least can translate and keep us navigating toward the next stop (as in pub). Its forecast for rain, with highs of 2degrees.....as you know I'm from Wales, so should be used to this (oh those endless summers in Wales, you can't beat that shade of grey anywhere in the world), but unfortunately the south has taken me as one of its own, thus making me slightly soft and although not made of sugar (I won't melt in the rain), slightly less rugged(than I was!).
I hasten to add, we might not even stop at a pub over the course of 24hours, so I'm really gambling with the elements. So after taking advice from Bear Grylls and Betty Ford, I'm confident I can make it through!
As some of you may or may not know Colin was diagnosed with stage four cancer and through some miracle/aggressive oncologist/endless nagging pulled through to ten years cancer free. Fuck you cancer. The Macmillan nurses were truly brilliant.
So I need your help, to sponsor me......see it as a way to guilt me into finishing, think of the suffering (the people walking alongside me, listening to me witter on), the sobriety (will we ever find a pub in this outback) and the shame (looking dishevelled, with a bag lady look, hair like a chickens arse, smelling like a wet grandmother).

Reality bites and sobriety sucks!

So while the UK enjoys it's month of sobriety and the dryathletes of January 2016 rest their livers, I hurtle towards Knightsbridge for happy hour 'pornstar martinis' and then birthday/Christmas dinner, a set price that includes unlimited champagne(small print: within an hour and a half timescale). Challenge accepted. If I don't hit double figures and ruin this special offer for the rest of London, my name is not Simon Baxendale!
Wish me luck I'm going in, I'm doing this for all the trapped inner drinkathletes trapped by guilt!!
#knowsnomoderation
#drinkathleteandproud

Happy New You (Year)

December was a perfect fit to the end of a crazy year, but December you've nearly won. After a month of debauched drinking, consecutive late nights, excessive relentless partying, I think I'm proverbially broken. I've seen 7am too many times and not for the right reason. I'm sure you know, I've no concept of moderation or boundaries.... limits or refusals..... or indeed the word 'No' but maybe this old dog could learn that new trick. I meant to behave but dammit there were too many other options.

However on a plus side, I've laughed continuously, sworn endlessly, drunk ridiculously, talked relentlessly, made new friends and forged stronger friendships. I've put 25 hours in my day and missed nothing. Travelled non stop and never stood still. I've run from jet lag and hangovers, crossed date lines and lines in the sand, never allowing convention or fatigue to hold me back.

I hope you never know the loss I've endured but I do hope you do know the luck, love and life that I have been given.
So rather than your goals for 2016, to be accomplishing the goals of 2015, which you should have done in 2014 and 2013, because you made a promise in 2012 and planned in 2011, how about this instead.
New Years resolutions will be to endeavour to never disappoint or be disappointed, to never sit still or be quiet, to constantly be glib, facile and irreverent. To never grow up(growing old is compulsory but growing up is optional) or for that matter, never grow out or to never suffer fools too long.
I'm hoping this year to make hundreds more inappropriate, witty retorts, pictures and memories, drunk or sober.......and rest assured I will never let you down, just myself and any other responsible adult who might be watching.
Here's to a year of more social media shaming, praising, recognising and challenging. To endlessly throwing pass remarkable comments worthy of champions, making direct hits.

Let's have a year of styling out moves, like that crack whore dancing for rent, continuously acting like we self medicate rohypnol, refusing no opportunity. No more limiting ourselves, let's start a personal intervention now! (that's not a euphemism for touching yourself BTW)

This year can we please cure hangovers and mediocre, try to avoid beige and mundane, all the sooner the better please....because here's the rub, we're not getting any younger and do you know, some people just need a high five (in the face, with a chair).

I wish you all the very best that you deserve and ironically let's raise a glass to more alcohol fuelled nights of laughter, days packed with adventure, surrounded by friends and family (that you like), turning those resolutions into reservations and let's keep going. I hope next year we all get 365 days and enjoy each one, always finding a reason to smile.
If you're living your life without giving a 'f' then you're living a li()e